Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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