did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
