Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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