My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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