Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
