whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
