I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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