just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
