She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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