In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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