first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Pants are for mortals
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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