im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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