1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
