went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
