there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
