No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
