You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
