chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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