I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
