I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
