lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
