Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
