Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
