Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
