You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
