im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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