I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
