You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
