So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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