i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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