Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
