it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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