theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
