Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
