I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
