its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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