Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
