We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
