so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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