I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
