THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
