Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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