no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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