my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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