Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Terrible idea I love it
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
