I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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