I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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