My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
there's paper in my vomit.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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