Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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