Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
