he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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