I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
