happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Can I color on your dick again?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize