I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
