She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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