I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
