Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
