Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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