Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
