u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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