I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
