i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
