batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Two words: blizzard sex
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize