Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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