he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
