I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
