Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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