I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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