Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
