my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
the liver wants what the liver wants
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
