Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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