made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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