Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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