I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
